Love Leiden

Firstly apologies for the long silence – not felt that I’ve had much to say for a while.

This period that Ruth and I are in at the moment is definitely odd and cannot be prepared for.  We used to be actively involved in our home church in Manchester, sometimes even over-actively so.  Then we went to the rather artificial environment of Bible college for three years where we were stretched and very active, but the word ‘involved’ didn’t really fit as we were so temporary there.

Now we’ve moved to a new place again, with a different language and a different culture.  I’m guessing that many of the frustrations we’ve faced, and are facing, are linked directly to a mild form a culture shock.  (I say mild, as I still reckon that the Dutch are culturally as close to the British as you get.)  However, the hardest thing to get used to has been the feeling of being useless.  I don’t mean useless as in having an inferiority complex and feeling no good at anything, but more in that it’s hard to feel meaningfully useful because of the cultural and especially the language issues.

I had this realisation last week as I was rehearsing in my mind the upcoming visit of our church pastor here (our Dominee or Predikant).  I was thinking back to all the things that I have been involved with in the past: the ministry experience, all of the gifting that God has given me, my passions for God’s church, and then wondering what happened to all that stuff.  I haven’t really had an opportunity to put any of that into practice now for at least 15 months, and some of it for more than 4 years.

Delft, Zuid Holland

And being generally generally unaware of my background emotions (yes, I’m a bloke!) I haven’t really noticed that I’m kind of grieving the loss of all this stuff, albeit temporary maybe.  I realise looking back on things that giving out, ministering to people, using my gifts, etc. is really a huge part of my existence.

I remember trying to explain to people before we moved out here that we wouldn’t be doing much for the first couple of years in order to acclimatise, absorb the culture, learn the language and settle the boys in.  Indeed, to put a spiritual spin on it for people, it seemed to make sense to liken it to Jesus’ early years before he started his main ministry phase.  I did this mainly because I anticipated that people would be excited for us and might be looking forward to some amazing stories of conversions within weeks.  Naturally I wanted to avoid any disappointment on their part.

Yet what I hadn’t bargained for was how darned hard it was going to be for me!  Now spare getting the violins out just yet, because I still see the huge value in taking this time to focus on acclimatisation.  For example, my Dutch language is coming along very well now and I should be graduating from my course in a few weeks.  But when will we be able to actually start feeling useful again?

Hopefully, in a few years time I will be able to look back and see even more sense in this time…

P.S. Still dipping in and out of the same book (The Forgotton Ways), might finish it later in the decade!